today..
my soulmate. we fought...hard. i cried and cussed and begged and apologized and when it came time to finally find resolution, the reason behind it all caught me completely off guard.

my brittany, looked away, as she explained to me that she feels as if she is holding me back. she feels that she is keeping me from having a normal relationship, and a chance to have children to claim as my own. she feels as if she is not good enough. by all of this..it hurt me terribly, only because i knew of the suffering she must have been through. she slowly convinced herself that if i had a successful, boyfriend that i could marry one day, then i would be happier. why does she believe that? how could she?
i am quite certain that it has been the ongoing pressure from society. i am bisexual, she herself is pansexual, yet she wants only for me to be normal and happy. the looks, hatful things, that we get in public are beginning to wear away on our faith in ourselves. if everybody thinks that you must not be together..it is hard to fight back. for three years we have endured. not long, in the grand scheme of life, but long enough for me to know that she is my one. the only one for me. and i dont need the religious views of the majority of americans holding me back from that love. i would never end our relationship because of it...but i want to feel normal. whatever that may be. i am not a bad person...but so many will welcomely tell me that i am going to hell..or cover their child's eyes while my girlfriend and i walk past, hand-in-hand.
i love her. i cannot bear to see people look in anger or disgust at the one who holds my heart. i have no answer for this. we must suffer for our love.
she is worth it.